Staying sober can be particularly difficult during the holidays. From office parties to family gatherings to traveling, this time of the year can push anyone to their breaking point, but if you are newly sober – these challenges can feel even more overwhelming. During recovery, you may feel like you will be white-knuckling it through the entire holiday season, but you are not alone. Here are some trusted tips you can use to help you through the holidays and keep your sobriety intact. Following are some tips for staying sober in this holiday season.
Holiday party? Let the host know your situation.
Depending on your comfort level, letting the host of the party now you are in recovery will give you an edge during the event. You can let the host know how important it is to you that you maintain the sobriety you’ve worked so hard for, and anything they can do to help would be greatly appreciated. You may want to also offer ways you can help during the event to show your gratitude and to keep busy. Having the host know your situation will help in gaining an ally during the event and he or she won’t take it personally if you need to leave early. Remember, there is no shame in being honest about your sobriety.
Seek Out Support
Gather as much support as you can during this crucial time. Bring a friend to holiday gatherings who understands your needs and can offer a shoulder to lean on (and a car to leave in) if things get rough. If you are fortunate enough to have supportive family members, let them know you need their help during this holiday season. Ask if the holidays can be a little more intimate this year, with only those who know about your recovery. If that’s not an option, just think about what you’ll be willing to share and not share with a larger family gathering. Have a few key answers or phrases about your sobriety journey ready, but don’t go into any more detail unless you really want to. Ask family members you trust to intervene when things get awkward or when you just need a break.
Create A Signature Non-Alcoholic Holiday Drink
Avoid any potential for relapse by creating your own signature non-alcoholic beverage or mocktail. Make this fun for everyone by including options that have ingredients you know your colleagues, friends, or family members will love. You’d be surprised at how many people are cutting back on alcohol these days and these drinks could get a few guests excited about sharing recipes as well as spending the party sober with you.
If You’re Traveling, Find Meetings
Before you book your flight and hotel, search for meetings wherever you’ll be traveling this holiday season. This kind of preparation will give you the added support and confidence you will need going into any situation. Remember to keep in close contact with your sponsor throughout your trip – especially at airports and hotels where there will be many bars and holiday libations. Bring podcasts, music, eBooks or whatever will distract you, especially if you’re seated next to someone drinking on a plane or train. If you can’t move your seat, at least you can guide your attention to a great playlist or a podcast on inspirational recovery stories to keep you focused on your sobriety.
Stay Strong and Set Limits
Practice saying “No,” or whatever you want to say, to prepare yourself for when you need to leave holiday parties, especially work events. There will always be that one person or co-worker that will be pressuring you to stay at a party, and if it’s a supervisor or manager – you may feel even more pressure to avoid saying no to leaving an event. But you have every right to set limits as to what you think you can handle and leave when you are ready. Remember to have an exit strategy, such as bringing your car to the party or having a friend on stand-by and ready to pick you up whenever you call. Moreover, when the room starts to get packed with people, that is an easy way to sneak out without getting noticed.
Preparation is the Key to Sobriety
Plan your holiday calendar early to mentally prepare for what’s ahead. Pick holiday events and parties that seem mellow and avoid the ones that pose the most risk to your recovery. When you are ready to attend a party or event, create a tool kit to bring with you filled relaxing goodies to help stay calm and focused on your sobriety. This kit can include essential oil roll-on or sprays or loading your phone or iPad with your favorite meditation music. Whatever works, bring it. You can go outside or hole up in a bedroom to give yourself a few minutes to center yourself, especially if you feel any old temptations creeping up.
Know Your Triggers and Avoid Them
Acknowledging your triggers will go a long way in keeping you sober. Stay away from places, people, bars, and social events that can prove to be tempting during the holiday season. You don’t have to avoid all fun activities, you just need to make sure your honest with yourself about which situations will have the greatest chance at derailing your sobriety. Pay extra close attention to being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired (HALT) because these adverse conditions can be a major threat to your recovery, especially during the holidays.
Embrace Gratitude This Holiday Season
Remember to take comfort in knowing you made the decision to get sober and that is worth so much gratitude. Also, take time to remember those who helped you on this journey and show gratitude for them this holiday season through thoughtful cards or a small token of appreciation. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take some time to reach out and help others. Volunteering with a local non-profit that needs help during the holidays will allow you to refocus your energy into something positive. Getting out of your own way and being of service to others will keep you on the road to recovery and fill your heart with immense gratitude.
Celebrate Your Sobriety
When you are in a funk and feel like you can’t see the positives of sobriety – try remembering that it is a reward and should be celebrated. Apps like I Am Sober can help you celebrate the day-to-day moments of sobriety. Other apps like Sober Tool, even has a calculator to help you realize how much time and money you have saved by being sober. Even if it’s not your official sober birthday – treat yourself to something that reminds you that recovery is not a punishment, but a reward. Get a massage, plan a trip to visit a friend, or buy a book that you always wanted to read. Whatever the reward, no matter how big or small, take time to celebrate your sobriety – it can really help shift your perspective about the recovery process.
Find Support and Motivation in Others
In one of the longest studies of adult life conducted by Harvard, researchers found, “those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier, and the loners often died earlier. Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.” The lesson here is – don’t go it alone. Whether it’s online or in-person, a sense of community is important when it comes to sobriety, and finding comfort in others can make a world of difference and even save your life.
Finding the Holiday Spirit
Difficulty traveling, concerns about health risks, and disagreements among loved ones about how much social distancing is necessary are possible complications. No one is exactly sure what these holidays will look like this year. The good news is we do have some control over how we experience these celebratory occasions, using both our common sense and our creativity.
Make Safety a Priority
Rules about social distancing and which businesses are open vary from city to city and state to state. If you doubt which pandemic policies are in place in your area or the area to which you may travel, make sure to look for updated data, so you have the information you need. If you usually attend a holiday or a meal at someone else’s home, find out if it is still being held this year. Ask about the household’s social distancing habits and determine if they match up with yours.
If Christmas morning or New Years’s evening is typically a bash held in your home, strongly consider whether skipping this year is in everyone’s best interest. You may experience pressure from friends to keep the tradition going, but you are well within your rights to cancel the event. Do not feel guilty for informing everyone you cannot comfortably entertain this year. Everyone has had to make some sacrifices this year for their safety and the safety of their loved ones, co-workers, and society in general. As tempting as it may be to put that aside for the sake of spending Hannukah with grandparents or ringing in the new year with close friends, everyone’s health has to be the top priority.
Alternatives to the Usual Holiday Activities
While many people are experiencing Zoom Fatigue from all the work meetings or school classes they have attended this year, such apps provide excellent holiday alternatives. A family separated by a few miles or several states can plan to meet at a specific time and interact together electronically. If eating an entire meal together isn’t possible, set up a Dessert Party. Everyone can sit down and enjoy their favorite pie or other holiday desserts together. If opening presents is part of your family’s tradition, do it on camera. This way, everyone can enjoy the reactions as each gift is opened and shown off to others.
Below are some tips that can be helpful for avoiding or becoming aware of pre-lapse before it happens and to help protect you from relapsing during this holiday season.
- Practice mindfulness everyday. Do at least 15-20 minutes of mindfulness meditation everyday to make sure you are helping yourself manage and increase tolerance for stress. This mindfulness meditation practice can be done with guided meditation podcasts, with sitting meditation, walking meditation, standing meditation, and progressive relaxation laying down exercises. Either way, the most important thing is to do it everyday to increase your level of mindfulness and moment to moment awareness of how you are feeling and to catch pre-lapse tendencies before they start. This also helps to increase your tolerance for difficulties and challenges as they arise and your ability to handle stress.
- Surround yourself with positive, healthy people. A major trigger during the holidays can be being surrounded by unhealthy people or people that cause you to experience greater negative emotions. These people may or may not be sober, but either way the people we surround ourselves with are very important for our recovery and for how we feel about ourselves and experience our lives. There’s an expression or saying that goes “we are the sum total of the 5 people we surround ourselves with the most.” I’m not sure if this is true or not but it points to the impact that the people we surround ourselves with have on us. Therefore, take a look at the people you will be around during this holiday season and try to pick people that help you to feel loved, support and accepted for who you are.
- Take time out for yourself. This is another important tip. Not only is it very worthwhile to practice mindfulness everyday as well as surround yourself with positive, healthy people…taking time out for yourself may be the most important piece of this puzzle. Find things that are positive and uplifting for you, that make you feel happy, supported and at ease and do them at least once a day. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 5 or 10 minute thing… as long as it feels like YOURS. It needs to be something that is special to you that you do FOR you. It can be free or cost money, it doesn’t matter. This is a very individual activity and may require some self reflection to see what works best for you. Also, it is recommended to find a handful of things that are supportive for you. This way you have multiple things to choose from each day depending on what’s happening and how you feel.
Sober Activities to Do
By finding sober activities to keep you active at home, you will not feel compelled to sip an alcoholic beverage.
Throw a Game Night
If you are living with your family, this is a good time to dig out old board games that you keep in the garage. You can play ones that the whole family would enjoy, like Wii, which provides active-like sports games or try your hand at a new card game. Card games are a great way to pass the time as one game can go on for hours. You can even make up your own game like playing charades or trivia. You will experience laughter, fun, and a productive way to use your brain. If you are living alone, you can play online games with your friends through apps or video chat with each other for certain games.
Plan a Movie Night
You can virtually plan a movie night with your friends or relatives. You can do this by picking a movie on a streaming site and having your webcam on while the two of you watch it. Other than streaming sites, you can rent films on Amazon or Redbox directly online instead of having to leave your house to pick up the DVD.
There are even websites like Facebook Watch where you can set up a watch party and have your Facebook friends watch the same thing as you. Make sure that your laptop is positioned well and that the lighting in the room is bright. Grab your favorite snacks and non-alcoholic beverages to enjoy while participating in this kind of activity.
Balance is in the Middle
Balance is a key component to maintaining sobriety and living a happy life. Some ways to maintain balance and inner calm include living an honest life, connecting with a higher power or spiritual support, practicing mindfulness, maintaining well-being, practice journaling, practice a daily balanced mindset, let go of what you can’t control, and prioritizing important activities for maintaining balance.
Other important aspects of attaining and keeping balance are regular physical exercise and physical health. People often discount the importance of physical health and physical exercise for overall mental health and addiction recovery. The way we maintain our body and how we physically feel is an important component of maintaining emotional balance, addiction and mood management.
Another important component for maintaining balance is time with family and positive family connections. Negative family interactions or lack of family support can trigger imbalance and feelings of strong negative emotion. Having positive on-going support from family is an important part of staying balanced and calm.
Seek Help
During recovery, there may be days where it’s hard to do anything new or any self care. But we are here for you! Remember at Silver Lining Recovery we are here to help no matter what is going on. Our post-rehab services include 12-Step, SMART, and other counseling, holistic, and support programs to help you on your sobriety journey. You are doing great and are never alone, call us today at (866) 448-4563 to learn more about our services.